Appendix N.1

Date
Monday, 10/26/2020, 3:00 pm Length: 3:01:51

Title
The Day Josh And Mary Weren’t Gonna Do Anything Special For Halloween, But Then Put On Colorful Wigs, Discussed Bear Birthdays, Dirged Up Some Favorite Songs, Sang The Chat In A Werewolf Mashup, Planned Jay Em’s Funeral And Held A Name-That-Tune Contest

Link
Facebook Video: https://facebook.com/2707997102802634

Noteworthy Details
Regular Episode Location: Living Room Secret Surprise Special Guest: N/A

Summary
[Placeholder]

Episode Description

 * Spoooooky Halloween Episode
 * Longest regular episode
 * Halloween song identification competition:

Quotes and Taglines:

 * “I’m surprised you didn’t notice how terrifying that opening number was. You must’ve been really focused on your work. It’s one of the scariest songs of all time — for me, especially. Like that’s song’s scary to listen to, but to play that song? A…you have to listen to it; B…the whole goddamn thing is in 5/4. That is scary. If you’re trying to play (it) and you listen and you’re like, ‘OK, I gotta learn how this song goes,’ and the whole thing is in a five-count, you’re like, ‘I am now terrified. This is absolutely frightening.’” (on Halloween Theme)
 * (RPM) “If you’re a bear, you can just fall and you’ll be OK. You just kind of like rolly-poly, tumbly-bumbly around.” (Mary celebrated her “bear birthday” on Oct. 23)
 * “I think maybe you didn’t realize how spooky everything is on set here with the lighting and the costumes and the scary music because, like, you know how things are relative? Like you know when things are really bad, and then something kind of bad happens, you’re like ‘Ah, that’s no big deal.’ So you’re like, ‘OK, we’ve spent the last seven-plus months living inside of a deadly pandemic and a fascist regime, maybe candles and songs aren’t that scary anymore, right?’ There’s enough real shit to be scared about, like the planet melting and all those kinds of things. (pause) Hey everybody, this is our respite!”
 * Conversation:
 * Josh: Mary wrote me a secret note, you guys. Should I read it, or is it, like, a secret? Or is it both? It’s like a secret between you and me and it’s about to be a secret with the audience.
 * Mary: The talent gets to decide this one.
 * Josh: Wow. I don’t usually get this kind of decision-making authority on the show — or in life. Mary wrote to me, “You are a green monster in that wig, smiley face.” That’s sweet.
 * Mary (laughing): Is it?
 * “Guys, I did that kind of like how I do fanfares at Fenway Park when they announce the opening lineups. … It’s like ascending parallel major sixths, voiced pretty much like bottom to top with the octave on top, so if you got a fanfare today, you’re basically in the Boston Red Sox starting lineup.” (on playing fanfares for voters)
 * “Did you get JayEm’s request? Not the shitty one, but the good one…”
 * “You think anybody’s watching this against their will right now? You think R.J., like before his family was humoring him — ‘Oh R.J., that’s that show you watch’ — do you think he’s making them watch it right now, like, ‘C’mon teenagers, gather round. Let’s watch the weird old man butcher Top 40 covers on an antiquated instrument and talk about baseball players that haven’t played for 40 years.’ Or do you think R.J.’s out camping?”
 * “It’s 3:29. We’re 29 minutes into a 30-minute show and we haven’t even done Take Me Out To The Ballgame yet.”
 * “Should we spook it up? Are you guys ready to spook it up, spook-style? Here we go — four-bar intro, and then sing it in a minor key. I have no idea how to do this. This is gonna be a trainwreck.” (on trying to play a “spooky” version of Take Me Out To The Ballgame)
 * “Sing along, in a Dracula voice…” (on Walk Away Renee)
 * (after playing Werewolves Of London)
 * “This is the other song that, in my head, I was like, ‘I don’t want to play that one either.’ I don’t want to play Monster Mash today and I don’t want to play Werewolves Of London. You guys know me, I have to be contrarian. Why? I don’t know. No, I do know. It’s ‘cause I’m a punk rocker. That means I have to bite the hand that feeds me.
 * “It’s like ‘Hey Josh, we’re gonna hire you to play music for 38,000 people every night. Don’t you want to play Sweet Caroline, don’t you want to play all the fan favorites?’ No. No, I don’t. I want to play weird shit. But you know what? They pay me, so I do my job which is to play what the people want. But it’s hard. Every once in a while, I have to bite the hand that feeds me. I can’t not do it.
 * “I do it with great conviction and commitment and I take the craft seriously … but my version of bite the hand that feeds me is not, like, ‘OK fine, I’ll play the song you want, but I’m gonna play it poorly.’ No, that’s not how I do it. I’m like, ‘I’m gonna play really well, but I’m gonna play the song you don’t want.’”
 * (on mashing up Werewolves Of London and Werewolf Bar Mitzvah with lyrics from the chat)
 * Josh: Keep typing in the lyrics to this song, and I’m just gonna…sing the chat (while playing chords of Werewolves Of London):
 * “Kate Bush…Wuthering Heights.”
 * “Tracy Morgan, it’s fantastic.”
 * “13’s still underage for alcohol.”
 * “He’s a handy hairy gent (who ran) amuck in Kent…that’s a real lyric.”
 * “He was looking to get a big dish of beef chow mein.”
 * “Wuthering.”
 * “I grew up right outside the Beltway. You might be right.”
 * “Lately he’s been overheard in Mayfair… Laurence actually knows all these words.”
 * “Never gonna give you up. Mike G.”
 * “Ah-ooh, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.”
 * “Sweet Caroline is a zombie.”
 * “My hair is green, I drive a limousine.”
 * “Saw Lon Chaney walking down the street…that’s a real lyric…saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen.”
 * “Bonnie says, ‘Ah-ooh, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.’”
 * “He’ll rip your lungs out, Jim.”
 * “This is kind of like Jonathan Richman version of Werewolves Of London.”
 * “Tom Cruise putting his hand through his hair while playing pool…Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.”
 * “Chatstracted…Werewolf Bar Mitzvah.”
 * “Ah-ooo…Werewolf…”
 * Conversation:
 * Josh: Was that the dumbest bit I have ever done in the 130-some-episode history of this show, Reverend Producer Mary?
 * Mary: Remember that time you tried to juggle? That kind of went on for a while…
 * Josh (defiantly): That was great! That’s not what I said. I didn’t say how long.
 * Mary: Oh, I was just reminiscing. Um, I was kind of chatstracted there.
 * “You almost did an amazing spit take. Maybe we should set up a camera that’s just on you the whole time and it’s not live but we can record and we can go back and have access to that footage and other people can see (you). ‘Cause it’s my favorite part of the show is when you’re over there doing something insane or laughing uncontrollably and I’m the only person on earth who can see it. But I’m kind of like, ‘I wish other people could see it,’ because they’re watching the show and, to me, it’s part of the show.” (Josh, to Mary)
 * “You know what, Jay Em, maybe that’s the compromise that we will reach so that I don’t have to ban you from this show. Not ban, suspend. So that I don’t have to suspend you from this show, maybe I’ll play a recording of the Franz Liszt Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 in C-Sharp Minor and I’ll noodle along with it. I’ll improvise some, like…I’ll make it better, right? Seriously! Sometimes you play, you add onto something and it makes it worse. That’s the thing, guys, sometimes more is less and sometimes less is more. Sometimes more is more. Oh, my God. When more is more? Chilling. Chilling.”
 * Conversation:
 * Josh: Fifty years from now, when people are taking, like, a graduate-level course on the history of this show…
 * Mary: Right. As one does.
 * Josh: And we’re still in production at that point, by the way. We’re on Facebook Live Hologram, and we’re broadcasting live from Jupiter or from, like, one of the moons of Jupiter.
 * Mary: I don’t know, Josh, the network executives reached out to us the other day and I didn’t even open the e-mail.
 * Josh: I did. I literally — this is not a joke, you guys — got an e-mail the other day saying that someone wanted to pitch to the network executives something that I am working on. That reminds me I have to call that guy back.
 * Mary: Call me back and then I will be in contact with the network executives…and it actually said that.
 * Josh: It said I’m gonna “pitch it to the network executives.” I was, like, this is life imitating art or art imitating life or I don’t know what it is.
 * “A lot of people — I don’t know if it’s a lot of people; I think it’s, like, two or three people — (are) all requesting, ‘You’ve got to play a dirge version of Sweet Caroline.’ I don’t, do I? I’m going to, though. I don’t know if you just wore down my resistance or if this is a Stockholm syndrome kind of situation where I’m developing, like, weird sympathetic fondness for my tormentors. I’m gonna try it. Uh buoy….I don’t even know how this goes, you guys. How would a dirge of Sweet Caroline go?”
 * “We’ve been doing this show since March; the odds are eventually I’m gonna have a birthday on the show.” (on Josh turning 48 the following week [Nov. 3])
 * (on Cleveland hot dog vendor story)
 * Josh: Have I told this story on the show before?
 * Mary (laughing): No, you haven’t. It doesn’t need a long buildup, though.
 * Josh: None of my stories need a long buildup, but they all have a long buildup because that’s my epitaph: All his stories had insanely long buildups. (sigh)
 * Mary: I do know this story, but I know it not because it’s a story, but because I just know the punchline.
 * Josh: Maybe this should be my new catchphrase, instead of “Oh, Reverend Producer Mary,” this guy’s walking around with the foot-long hot dogs, and his catchphrase — which I might co-opt and make my catchphrase — “Foot-long hot dogs: Get ‘em while they’re hot, get ‘em while they’re long.” That just makes me smile. That’s funny, right?
 * “Guys, this is gonna be dangerous. I’ve never attempted this before, and you know it’s already a tricky song to play.” (on extra-fast version of Hocus Pocus by Focus)
 * “Of course Chad H. loved it. It’s Hocus Pocus by Focus on uppers. What’s there for Chad to not love?”
 * “I don’t know what I am right now. I’m just, like, out of control basically. I can’t stop laughing. Have we played like six songs in two and a half hours? Is that what’s happening?”
 * “What if the length of the show is tied to how long these candles burn? ‘Cause weren’t these candles like six inches higher than they are right now when we started? If they go out, do we keep going in the dark or is that just, like, ‘No, it’s time to call the show now.’ Are we streaming via candle power, like if the candles go out, then the Internet will go down?”
 * “Did we plan to go three hours? Nooooooo. When I read (to Mary) out loud a very rough outline of what I thought we were gonna cover, I was thinking this could very easily end up being a pretty short show. I’m not saying that facetiously like, “Oh, this is only a 20-minute show.’ I was thinking this might be like an hour show and that’s it. I don’t know. I talked for half an hour at the beginning. I was having too much fun goofing around, that’s the problem.”
 * Conversation:
 * Josh: At like 2:59 and 57 seconds, Mary was like, ‘I’m gonna pretend that I don’t know that it’s Halloween.’ No, you didn’t actually say that, you said…
 * Mary (laughing): Josh, we don’t need to have them look behind the curtain. Pay no attention to the behind the curtain. I think we pulled that off pretty well…
 * Josh: I think people knew that it was an act. By the end they figured it out, probably. If you didn’t, now you know.
 * Mary: Now you know.
 * Josh: But I was confused at first, though, because — this was three seconds before we go live — she’s like, “I don’t even know it’s Halloween.” And I was like, ‘You mean you’re gonna pretend you don’t know that?’ She was like, ‘Yeah yeah, that!’ And I was like, ‘OK, great. Now I’ve got something to work with here in our little Abbott-and-Costello weird world.”
 * Mary: Acting!
 * Josh: Act-ing.

Baseball Card of the Week

 * 1981 Topps - Montreal Expos Outfield (Warren Cromartie, Andre Dawson, Ellis Valentine): Late 1970s/early 1980s Montreal Expos outfield

Player of the Week

 * N/A

Album of the Week

 * Stevie Wonder – A Career Retrospective (7-inch box set of 36 songs, possibly unofficial release)

Hatter or No-Hatter?

 * Immediate hatter (White Red Sox hat with SPOOOOKY green wig)

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